Releasing Control

That’s the thing about life, if something was meant to happen- it’s going to happen. You can try to foresee all the obstacles coming up ahead but there’s always some unpredictable factor that plays out in real life. You can’t blame yourself for the things that you didn’t see coming.


You also cannot control everything that happens to you.


That realization is very scary because anything can happen at any moment. But living in constant fear is also debilitating.


When you think about what freedom means, you probably think about it in the sense of being care free. There are no worries that consume your thoughts before taking action. It’s only after we have suffered our tragedies that we second guess taking our next step. We second guess something we normally would never even think about.


Let's talk about a specific example that happened. Something very personal, that could happen to anyone. I was in a car accident on two different occasions. The first time happened years ago, I was driving to work and it was raining. I was on a highway around 7:45AM but it was somewhat empty. All of a sudden, I felt my back end of the car start to sway. I didn't understand what was going on, and as the car started to rock back and forth I became nervous and tried to regain control by turning my steering wheel which sent my car flying 360 across a 3 lane highway, bounced off the side railing and landed on the shoulder, completely off to the side, facing the side of traffic. I did not hit anyone nor did anyone hit me. I was essentially scratch free without injuries. My car at the time, however, was totaled. I later found out that the treading on my tires were somewhat on the low side and could of caused the swaying on wet pavement.


Fast forward about 5 years later. I made sure that when I bought new tires, that I would buy the best tires for my car to handle all kinds of weather! 1 year later, I'm driving down a busy highway for work on a sunny day when all of a sudden, I feel my car start to spin 360 across a 3 lane highway. Again, I landed on the side of the shoulder away from traffic. This time, my car was not totaled but did have a little bit of a dent going from the back end passenger side to the back of the car. A truck somehow hit me which sent me spinning. I didn't see it happen which was the most surprising part. But I did not hit any other cars along the way either. Talk about a miracle.


My point is, the first time I thought that it was all my fault. I thought that if I had just known somehow that my tire thread was low, or maybe if I had been extra careful somehow or didn't yank my steering that it would of never happened. Granted, this time I just held on for the ride because when you spin, you have no idea where you are heading or landing when you turn that wheel but I would of never saw that one coming. And how much of a coincidence is it that in my lifetime I have experienced two somewhat similar situations where my car is spinning across a 3 lane highway. One with some traffic and one without? What are the odds of that happening? Twice?


It brought the idea of death that much closer to me. I realized that my life could of been over in the blink of an eye. It felt so wrong. I cried, I searched my mind on how I could not go through this again. But it hurt. It hurt to constantly try to think of all the ways to protect myself.




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